Death
by koulagirl32
Summary: JCS: A small little ficlet inspired by 'The Last Supper'


_Death _

_Completed: Thursday October 10, 2002 _

_Disclaimer: All characters aren't mine... they belong to the legendary Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice, well, actually they belong to nobody, they were once real people here on this planet in the great lands of the Middle East, where the Christian religion was founded etc etc. But they are from JCS too, so ALW. Yup. And I borrowed some JCS lyrics. :) _

_Thanks: To resident muse and inspiration, Paul. Who doesn't know I exist anymore. And to Daniel, 'cos he's koul and I felt like thanking him for this for no particular reason. Plus we had a little talk about religion the other day and yeah, I remembered that while I was writing this, so I guess it helped, at least a little. Thanks Daniel. _

_A/N: Inspired by Tony Vincent's amazing performance as Judas on Broadway, in specific 'The Last Supper' which I was listening to while I was doing my homework and this suddenly popped into my head and was too good to let go. Also 'Heaven on Their Minds' which played a couple of songs later. And I'm not sure where Matt Caplan's 'Divide And Conquer' fits in but that played too. _

You've changed so much since I first met you. I know that everyone changes, and just because you're God it doesn't mean that you have to always stay the same... 

_'every time i look at you i don't understand_

_why you let the things you did get so out of hand_

_you'd have managed better if you'd had it planned...'_

I first met you before you started preaching everywhere you went. I knew you believed, I knew you were religious, but I didn't know how much. I still would have followed you everywhere, but I would never have let myself get so close. 

_'every time i look at you...'_

I looked at you as I led the Romans into Gethsemane, studied you standing serenely amongst the garden plants. 

_'i don't understand...'_

I would never understand the hold you had on me, why I wanted to be with you, to stay with you, to hide you from the terror that followed behind, equally ready to kill me as capture you. 

_'why you let the things you did...'_

I never knew why you preached, why you allowed disciples to follow you, believers to worship you. Why you performed miracles, why you let yourself be anointed, why you gave yourself to the people who loved you for who they thought you were. 

_'get so out of hand...'_

This had gone too far, you were being taken to be tried and killed. I hugged you for the last time, I kissed you for the last time, but not the same as I ever had before. I would always watch you, but never touch you. 

_'you'd have managed better...'_

I never thought you'd need me to help you, but you always listened to me. It was when you stopped taking my advice, hearing my words, that you started to do more of what you called your calling. I never realised that you were listening to someone more powerful than me. 

_'if you'd had it planned...'_

Someone had planned it for you. Using me to give you up was only the final touch, the special signal that I was not the one meant for you. Someone hadn't counted on you being human while you were here , on you falling in love with me as much as I was in love with you. But someone had seen us together, and was jealous enough to do something about it. A higher power. 

_'my mind is clearer now_

_at last all too well i can see_

_where we all_

_soon will be...'_

I watched them take you, try you, beat you, drag you. I was always there, always near, ready to come if you called for me. But you never did. You took it alone, as if you didn't need me anymore. How many times did you think of me, wish for me? Why did you never call my name? 

_'my mind is clearer now...'_

I had been angry. I had been hurt. But never had I been so helpless to stop what I saw happen in front of me. It caused more pain that I had ever experienced, more anguish. Every emotion was magnified, but not once did it cloud my unshaken mind, my resolve to free you or die. 

_'at last all too well...'_

I have never been like this, never wanted to do anything as much as I did now. You saw me once, you looked at me with as much pain as love in your eyes, and then you were led away to your next trial. When would they stop hurting you, making you suffer at their hands? 

_'i can see...'_

I see you again. Even when I sleep, I see you in my dreams and I cry for you. I have never cried before. I was always strong, until you let me slide, you broke down my walls, softened my emotions, with your ever-so-soft hands and your quiet, peaceful mind. 

_'where we all...'_

I'm not the only one in pain. You are. She is. They are... we all are. We all need you, and they all hate me for what I've done. I could say it wasn't me, but they don't believe as much as you. they wouldn't understand as you would. You knew, you always knew, you gave me happiness at the price of my soul. 

_'soon will be...'_

And now I leave you. I climb the tree and tie the rope. And soon I will fall. And I do not know whether you will follow soon enough to catch me, but I know that one day you will find me. 

_'you have murdered me...'_


End file.
